MIDIRS Opinion - How Hypnobirthing and a positive birth experience has inspired my fight against the media's misrepresentations of childbirth
By Gillian Kirkwood on 19 July 2024
First-time mum
Planned: Water birth at Assisted Midwife Unit (Forth Valley Royal Hospital, Larbert)
Actual: Dry land at Assisted Midwife Unit (Forth Valley Royal Hospital, Larbert)
Surprise baby girl
Weight: 7lbs 4oz
Due date: 6 March 2022
Birth date: 5 March 2022
Gestation: 39+6
I had a straightforward pregnancy – some acid reflux, the usual tiredness associated with carrying extra weight and swollen hands and ankles towards the end. From mid-December I’d been attending the hospital for growth scans but anyone I spoke to assured me this was routine and nothing to worry about.
I attended my last growth scan with my mum at the end of February (37 weeks) and was told by the consultant/registrar that they weren’t letting me go full term. They were concerned about the baby’s size – last estimated weight was 5lbs 12oz – and there was the possibility that the placenta wasn’t providing the baby with what it needed to grow. Naturally, my mum got really upset as she was concerned for the both of us. Me? I was the calmest I’ve ever been in my life, which if you ask anyone that knows me would tell you that’s not me, at all. But in that moment, I felt so in control. Why? Because of hypnobirthing. It sounds SO cliché but I’ve never in my life questioned a doctor. Probably like most of the public they take their words as gospel, so this was a big deal for me. I used B.R.A.I.N (B is for Benefits, R is for Risks, A is for Alternatives, I is for Instinct and N is for Nothing). I remember the consultant saying, “I mean we’re not suggesting we need to induce you today” and my reply being “No, that’s not happening” but she was more than happy to go through B.R.A.I.N. I asked if there was any real danger to either of us or if we could delay making any decisions by a week. The consultant was content to leave it a week but said they wouldn’t be able to do another growth scan as these only happen every two weeks, however they could check the flow rate between the umbilical cord and the placenta. She stressed we’d need to decide in week 38 as to how our baby would be born.
Fast forward a week later to our next appointment. I’d spent the week rewatching and refamiliarising myself with The Positive Birthing Company videos on sweeps, inductions, c-sections – the videos I didn’t think I’d have to pay so much attention to when I first started my hypnobirthing journey. I’d given it a lot of thought and concluded that I’d rather have a planned, gentle c-section than potentially spend hours being induced to end up needing a c-section anyway – I’d heard the stories. I felt my decision was wholly justified and I was very confident that I’d weighed up all the positives and negatives – this was the best way to bring our baby into the world. I remember feeling very nervous that day but confident I was making the right decision. There was no growth scan as it was only a week since I’d had one, but the sonographer checked the flow between the placenta and the umbilical cord and seemed happy with what she was seeing. Then we waited anxiously for our appointment. It was frustrating from the get-go as it wasn’t the registrar I’d met at my last appointment – we’d met a different registrar/consultant every time we’d attended! After the pleasantries she asked, “So what would you like to do?” I think we were both taken aback as we were under the impression from the last appointment that we’d have to decide that week. So, I said “I’d like to opt for a planned, gentle c-section”. Now it was the turn of the registrar to be taken aback. She asked what my reason was for this decision, so I explained. She started to talk about other options which I knew all about – sweeps, inductions etc. This is where I became really confused with the whole situation and started to get a bit teary. I was so sure of my decision before I walked into that room but suddenly, they’re making me question myself. If my baby is under weight and needs to be delivered as soon as possible then why would I put both of us through a potentially long induction when I could cut all of that out by opting for a c-section? It was at this point the registrar went to get the consultant. He was a lovely man and asked me to explain again why I’d rather opt for a c-section than an induction. He listened as I explained how I’d come to that conclusion and then said I was the perfect candidate to give birth vaginally. I explained that I was worried about the baby becoming stressed due to its weight and he said it was good for babies to experience some stress during labour (Really? Who knew!). At the end of it all we found a temporary solution – they gave us a provisional booking for an induction on the Friday and told us to come back on the Wednesday for a cardiotocography (CTG) to check the baby’s heartbeat. Then we could confirm whether we wanted to go ahead with the induction or opt for a gentle c-section. I remember the registrar jokingly saying, “I mean ideally you would go into labour between now and Friday”. Luckily, because I’d been practicing hypnobirthing for months, I was able to ignore this comment and stay calm. NEVER underestimate the power of positive affirmations and it was at this very moment I remembered, “My baby will come when my baby is ready”. Side note, why do people think they can say anything they like to you when you’re pregnant and you’ll just accept it?
I remember leaving the hospital on the Monday and saying to my partner S about how confused I was feeling. What he said next was a gamechanger. It was exactly what I needed to hear and helped me make my decision on what would happen next. “Gillian, you’ve been so positive about the birth the whole way through your pregnancy, why not apply that positivity to the induction? I know you said most women that have inductions end up with a c-section anyway but that doesn’t mean you will”. He was SO right. I’d worked so hard at learning all about birth and what I would do come the big event. I felt so positive about it all considering how terrified I was when I first fell pregnant. I had to channel all my positivity into this induction and make it the best experience possible.
We returned to the hospital on the Wednesday for the CTG and as expected, the baby’s heartbeat was perfect. The registrar came to see us and find out our decision. We confirmed we’d be attending the induction on the Friday and left the hospital knowing Friday was D-Day – baby would hopefully be here by the weekend.
The whole week was spent doing everything I could to stay relaxed and focused. I had a bath every night – candles, relaxing music, beautiful bath scent, I listened to my positive affirmations and relaxation playlists, I ate what I wanted, I had lunch with my parents, I had a pregnancy massage on the Thursday. I didn’t once allow myself to think “I wish I would just go into labour now”, I just let my body and my baby be. No stress. During the week I remember mentioning to S and my parents that I’d experienced dull pains at the bottom of my bump and my lower back, but nothing came of it. Maybe my body was getting ready to go into labour on its own, who knows!
Friday was upon us. I stayed in bed for as long as I could resting. I got up, had a shower, packed the final bits and bobs into my hospital bag, tidied up and had something to eat. Then we set off with the overwhelming realisation that the next time I’d be in our home there would be three of us. We arrived at the labour ward about quarter past 2, 20 past 2 in the afternoon and was shown to a bed. At this point there were four of us in the ward; two women seemed close to giving birth. As soon as we arrived, I handed over my birth preferences and explained that although it was still mostly geared towards the waterbirth I thought I was going to have that a lot of it could still be applied i.e., language to be used, breathing techniques, positions for labour and birth, pain relief etc. I was looked after by two lovely midwives: Brenda, a student from UWS (University of the West of Scotland) and another midwife, R. S and I thought it was an omen as that was the name we wanted if it was a girl, although the midwife pronounced hers differently. They did the necessary checks then strapped me up to the CTG for monitoring. R commented that she thought I was going to be here for a few days. I ignored this comment, remained calm and took everything in my stride. A couple of hours passed and then both midwives came in to explain the stages of induction and inserted the first pessary. This felt a bit like getting a smear test and although a little uncomfortable it only lasted a few seconds. They explained I’d be monitored for another hour or so and then they’d remove the CTG. We’d decided to go for a walk around the hospital grounds and then I’d take up their offer of having a bath. I had some dinner while the CTG continued to monitor the heartbeat. When R returned to remove the straps from my bump she asked if I was feeling anything as something was starting to show up on the CTG, but I didn’t notice anything at the time.
S and I went for a pleasant walk around the loch within the hospital grounds. There was very little light left in the sky, so we did one lap and headed back to the car to pick up a couple of things. S came back up to the ward with me but visiting time was coming to an end. I felt quite emotional when he left, but I knew I’d be fine. He reminded me to stay as relaxed and positive as I could. Before heading back to bed, I asked Brenda if I could have a bath and she said she’d run it for me. When it was ready, I collected my things and Brenda took me to the room. It was very brightly lit, and the bath sat in the middle of the room – not ideal conditions for relaxing, however, I poured in some of my Baby Mama My Little Coco bath soak and immersed myself. I breathed in the beautiful scent deeply and rubbed my bump. I must have stayed in the water for 45 minutes, maybe an hour then I carefully got out, dried myself, put on some loose clothing and headed back to my bed. I think it was around this time there was a change in staff and Melissa came and introduced herself. I liked her instantly and got the feeling I was in very capable hands should I need them. I tidied things away, text my parents and S and by about quarter to 12 thought it was best to get some sleep, but baby had other plans…
Around midnight my pants felt a bit wet, so I got out of bed and waddled to the toilet directly in front of me to check it out. There was blood in my pants, so I pressed the buzzer for the midwife. I stupidly didn’t realise at the time but since speaking to a friend about it I think this was my ‘show’ or ‘mucus plug’ (your cervix is ‘sealed’ by a plug of mucus, which normally stays in place until the start, or close to the start, of labour). I just remember feeling a little freaked out by it but managed to remain calm. Melissa attended quickly and asked me to put a pad on and keep an eye on it. She helped me back over to the cubicle and asked if I’d like to get back into bed or try sitting on a birthing ball. She wanted to put the CTG back on my bump to monitor the baby and any potential surges, but she said she could work it in such a way that I could be on the ball. It was a nice little set up I had; I was sat on the birthing ball and had the bed in front of me to lean on, the CTG monitor was to my left and the hospital table to my right. On the table I had water, bottles of orange juice, oat bars, lip balm, headphones, my phone containing my relaxation playlists, TENS machine and eye mask.
This is where a lot of the details become hazy. The lights had been turned off in the ward and there was only one other woman in the room, so it was dark and quiet. I did the breathing techniques I’d learned from my yoga teacher which were very calm, steady, and quiet to begin with but became a bit more audible as the surges got stronger. Melissa came and checked on me every 10-15 minutes asking if I needed anything. She eventually put the TENS machine on me and towards the end of her shift asked about my birth preferences. I said I’d given them to the midwives on the dayshift and she said she was going to go and have a read and come back. She was away maybe 15-20 minutes. When she came back, she told me she’d spoken to the midwife in charge of the Assisted Midwife Unit (AMU), possibly Jackie Rutherford. It seems Jackie was one of the midwives instrumental in introducing the AMU into the hospital in the first place and this article is an interesting read. They were both very pleased with my progress and were transferring me to AMU where I could use the birth pool. Even thinking about it all now still makes me feel so emotional. I remember feeling so overcome with joy and relief! I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I’d come in for an induction and end up in AMU in the birth pool.
R, the midwife who I had met when I was first admitted had come back on shift and came to see me. She couldn’t believe my progress and asked if I wanted her to call S. I said yes. It was funny, while she was talking to me, I had a surge and in the middle of it an auxiliary worker asked me if I wanted anything for breakfast. Mid-surge I asked her if she could give me a minute and then asked for toast and jam! I managed to get the jam on the toast and eat it in between surges – I knew I had to keep my energy up.
Shortly after, Karen from AMU arrived. We collected my things and made our way round to AMU which wasn’t far away but far enough when you’re in labour! I had a surge midway and had to stop in the hall. When I think about it now a wheelchair would have come in handy! When we got to AMU I tried a few different position – my back was so sore from being on the birthing ball for hours. The other positions were good but didn’t feel as good as being on the birthing ball. I remember straddling the toilet mid-surge, not happy with the position when S came to the door. I got off the toilet and came into the main room where Karen asked me if I’d been examined. I hadn’t and up to that point I didn’t want to be but by this point I’d been having surges for hours and they felt very intense. Karen examined me and said my cervix were 9cm dilated (10cm is fully dilated) – I was told I was pretty much ready to start pushing. Karen started to run the birthing pool; it was so lovely being in the water, the weightlessness was something else. Karen poured the warm water down my back, and it felt SO good. But Karen wasn’t with us for long as she was finishing her shift. She explained Amy would be taking over and that I was in good hands. However, if Amy asked me to get out of the pool, I was to get out of the pool. It’s terrible but S and I were both very sceptical when we saw Amy – she was younger than Karen and you wonder, how much experience does she have? We were so wrong. She was wonderful and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to help me bring my baby into the world. I spent what felt like a long time on all fours in the pool. I was breathing through my surges and at times felt the need to push. Amy could see baby’s head, “All I can see is hair” she commented. In hindsight I wish I had reached down and felt her head, but I was so focused on breathing and trying to relax, if I’m honest, was something I didn’t feel as much in AMU with Karen, Amy, and S as I did on my own, in the dark on the labour ward. I was very in the zone on my own. Anyway, Amy had been listening in to baby’s heartbeat every time I had a surge. Baby’s heartbeat was dipping, and I was so tired by this point. She was concerned about the baby so unfortunately; she asked me to get out of the pool. I lay on a makeshift bed and that’s when things got a little crazy. A few more midwives entered the room. I remember Amy trying a towel technique with me (when I got a surge, I pulled the towel towards me, and she pulled the towel towards her) but that wasn’t working so I was asked for consent to perform an episiotomy and use the ventouse (a suction cup which is attached to the baby's head to get them out) as the heartbeat was weak. It all happened so fast. I remember up to that point I’d been quite quiet, but I screamed an almighty scream getting her out. It was just a few seconds, but it was intense. I remember asking them not to cut the cord immediately. They were able to delay it slightly, but baby had difficulty breathing so unfortunately, they couldn’t keep her attached for long. They had staff on hand with an incubator and breathing apparatus, but baby came around very quickly. As we’d kept the gender a surprise we called over “What is it?” and they turned back and said, “It’s a girl”. She was safe and, in my arms, very quickly and at the end of the day, that was all that matters. She was born on 5th March and weighed a very healthy 7lbs 4oz. Maybe one day I’ll detail the birth of the placenta but that’s for another day.
In hindsight, there are a few things I would have changed, but considering I went into hospital for an induction and very quickly went into labour, was transferred to AMU (where I wanted to be all along), got to use the birthing pool and didn’t require a caesarean, I’d say all in all it’s a very positive induction story which I am immensely proud to share with you all.
